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How to expand your views by changing how you converse

How to expand your views by changing how you converse

Earth Water Air Fire
Informational Discussion Conversation Dialogue

One of the most evocative ways to be truly mindful of the different ways of conversing and communicating is by using the archetypes of the four elements (Earth, Water Air and Fire).  The attributes of each elements strongly resonate with the four forms (Informational, Discussion, Conversation and Dialogue) of communicating and help us to visualise the limitations and appropriateness of each mode. When we are conscious and aware of the conversation we are holding in relation to the elements there can be necessary preparation that enables groups to maximise the benefits of each type of communication and have the skills to transition between these. This is mindfulness in action.

This elemental framework can be used as a diagnostic tool, helping to identify entrenched communication patterns, while providing a practical set of exercises and principles upon which these patterns can be shifted towards a style of communicating that is more appropriate to the goal of the particular situation.  When the elemental framework is used consciously by a group, it can provide a powerful tool for regulating dialogue when situations arise in which communication might normally get stuck, move too fast, or leave participants feeling disempowered or frustrated.

 

The Elements of communication

Earth communication corresponds to a completely objective consciousness, where any received content simply becomes a ‘that’, a fact, to be manipulated, dodged, ignored, and so forth. It does not take the other party into account at all, except as another fact to be assimilated. Water communication corresponds to an Imaginative consciousness, in which we form inner pictures of the movements of the other’s speech, but these pictures are still heavily tinged with our own personal associations and assumptions. Air communication corresponds to Inspirative consciousness, in which, through silencing our own expressive tendencies, we create an inner space in which the gesture of the other can speak, in a spiritual sense by breathing into our own soul something of itself. In Fire communication, this process takes on the form of the even more unitive process of Intuition, where it is possible to have the experience that the normal duality separating ‘me’ from ‘you’ is burned away, so that I feel as if something essential of you is living inside.

Earth communication (Informational)

When we think of the element earth we can imagine definite boundaries to the substances; the mountain top is precisely here, the rock occupies just this specific space. We could therefore describe earth elements as definite, shaped, and located. Earth elements also have the tendency to be rigid and resistant to change – that is, to maintain their shape and position.

The Earth mode of communication is dominantly content‐based, comprised of statements of fact which strongly indicate ‘how things are’. The primary goal of Earth communication is to clarify the facts of a situation, to provide information, and to create a shared foundation upon which the further stages of communication develop. As there is little need for any kind of actual back-and-forth when communicating there is a lack of flow.  It may in fact feel like no interaction is occurring at all, or that you have no recourse or ability to respond as information seems to move in one way only.  The language of Earth communications can often take an impersonal form even when everyone knows it is coming from a real person, for example, “A decision has been reached” rather than “We have all come to a decision”, or “Company policy states…” instead of “I would love to help you but I have to adhere to company policy” and so forth.

Earth communication can be extremely efficient, direct, and clear, as well as the least emotionally charged way of communicating. In order to have healthy Earth communication, the task of the speaker is to be straightforward, impartial, complete, and precise. The task of the hearer in Earth communication is to simply recognize the presented facts without reaction or judgment, but with distinction, and to request clarifying information if needed.

Earth communication works best when it follows established channels and when the participants – specifically the receivers – are properly prepared and conscious of the purpose and appropriateness of this mode of communication.

 

Water Communication (Discussion)

Water has no intrinsic form – its form is given entirely by its context. And still being greatly under the influence of gravity, will seek the lowest local position, where it will gather and form itself into an exact complementary shape to its surroundings; it is conforming (it forms‐together). Water also penetrates its surroundings, moving into objects as much as possible (permeation).

Water communication is a back and forth type discussion that takes the form of a debate. It is the way in which the facts work together to create a stream of meaning that forms the basis of Water communication. It is a higher level of communicating than can occur in a purely Earth situation, but as such it creates both new problems and opportunities.

When we are in a Water mode of communication we constantly relate what is said based on our own personal worldviews or meanings. Thus, if not conducted with awareness we risk creating heated discussions. Most conflict that occurs evolves out of the unhealthy Water mode of communicating.  There is no attempt to see things from the other perspective but to convince the other of being right. When a speaker is unaware of such personal aspects creeping into their communication, they risk alienating, offending, or simply losing their audience. If a speaker is conscious of these aspects when communicating, then it becomes much easier to avoid the potential pitfalls, both because the assumptions can be made public to begin with, and because any unwanted ripples can be addressed directly and without the feeling for needing a defence on the part of the speaker. Needless to say, this task is quite a difficult one to accomplish, but can become something with practice.

For healthy Water communication, the task of the speaker is to mindfully bring to the surface any assumptions, implicit associations, and logical gaps present in their own speech, making sure that each fact is properly connected to the previous and the next. The task of the hearer in Water communication is to become sensitised to the way meaning flows through the speaker’s speech while ‘testing’ that flow against the hearer’s own flow of meaning, so as to gain better insight into the hidden elements of both the speaker’s and hearer’s perspective.

 

Air Communication (Conversation)

Communication at the Air level takes the form of making verses together: conversation.32 What was primarily lacking in Water – the ability to get beyond one’s own personal set of associations, train of thought, assumed meanings, and unquestioned assumptions – becomes a central feature in Air, where it is precisely these aspects which are consciously put ‘on hold’. The hallmark of Air communication is the ability for participants to not simply hear the words spoken by the other for purposes of discussion, but to really listen to them. This means that a listener creates an expanded, empty space within, which is kept free from the Water tendency to relate everything to “me”.

By drying out the rhythmic impulse to associate everything that we hear to our own default assumptions and experiences, we open up the possibility that a completely new set of experiences be made available to us, as if blown on the wind of the other’s words. If the exchange seems to wander and diverge from any specific aim, or lots of tangents are taken that are not then connected back to an original thread, you are probably in an Air conversation.

 

Air questions give themselves up to the possibility of any outcome. When you end a conversation, and feel like you have really connected with someone, expressed yourself, or felt like you saw a new side of thing, but nothing specific was accomplished and no decisions or new steps were taken, then you probably had an Air conversation.

 

Fire (Dialogue)

The highest form of communication can be called dialogue. A skilfully hosted group Dialogue can achieve this sense of oneness and knowing that is beyond the individual.

In Fire dialogue, we can have the feeling that, in truth, we are all connected, and that a higher principle has, as it were, come down to take part in the exchange, filling it with something completely beyond what any individual is capable of bringing, but only because of the work done by the participants.

In this sense, a true dialogue transcends every individual while bringing each individual along a transformative ride. Indeed, having the experience of dialogue is almost always transformative, providing a foundation for an understanding that leads directly to action.

In dialogue, there is as often as much silence as speaking because the meaning of an exchange is no longer bound to the actual words. In Earth, meaning is absolute, independent of the speaker. In Water, meaning arises from the personal trail of connections and associations of the individual, who defends, justifies, and pushes for its acceptance with great attachment. In Air, each individual’s meaning is allowed to live together with all the other’s meanings simultaneously, but is still experienced personally through oscillation between active and passive roles. In Fire, meaning cannot be attributed to any individual, but seems to be spontaneously generated out of the combined will of the group (or pair) as a whole.

Empathy is a verb

One of the most important outcomes from the practice of Dialogue or mindful conversations is to hear each other’s story. When we listen deeply to another person’s story we can longer hold judgement on that person or make assumptions which are informed by our own worldview’s.  When we make space to practice real dialogue we meet each other without our past entering into the relationship. Relationship are living experiences that need continued work. This is why making space for well hosted dialogue is at the core of cultural change within any organization.

When the conversations stop the judgements start injecting themselves into the relationships. To listen deeply to another’s story is the practice of empathy and the creation of emotionally intelligent work places. Empathy much like love is not some religious idea but something we can only experience with practice. My ability to authentically empathise with another disappears when the dialogue stops

Dialogue and Spirituality

Dialogue and Spirituality in the work place

“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play: his labour and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly know which is which. He simply pursues his own vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both” 

Francois Auguste Rene Chateaubriand

Most of us are aware that the institutions that direct and express our lives – politics, health, law, education, and religion- are no longer adequate to the challenges we face and feel in modern society. They are no longer able to sufficiently help or nourish our lives and are often in need of radical redesign to fulfil their stated purpose in this unsettling period of changing consciousness.

Transformative leaders understand that they cannot address their organisation’ exterior issues without addressing its inner problems. Over many generations Scientists, mystics and philosophers described the wholeness of the universe where nothing exists in isolation or that no thing exists or acts independently of the whole. However today an illusion of separateness between mind and spirit and action is the primary operating image or self-understanding for many people and organisations. Nobel Laureate neuroscientist Roger Sperry states that the overemphasis on technology and the kind of scientific thinking that excludes the human soul has contributed to a neglect of our ultimate values, beliefs, motivations and meanings. We cannot civilise the outer world without civilising the inner world. Many organisations such as outdoor gear company Patagonia in the USA have successfully embraced the spiritual in the workplace and have been reaping the results for a couple of decades. They are a highly successful, resilient and creative company with strong environmental ethics.  It is no surprise that Patagonia has hundreds of applications for any job that becomes available.

There is increasing recognition amongst organisational leaders, highlighted by the numerous courses now offered in Conscious and Mindful leadership, that we are  becoming very aware of the importance of the spiritual dimension at work. What is emerging is the quest to discover, remember, or create significant purpose, and meaning in our work. Those reeling from stress and burn out from an over engagement are now searching inward for courage, strength, wisdom, motivation and energy.

Renowned systems thinker and organisational expert Margaret Wheatley suggested that in many cases it is not the structure of the organisations that need to change but the conversations we have within them. Dialogue is not only a powerful technology for redesign or organisational change but also offers a transformed way of relating and experiencing the world. Well facilitated Dialogue naturally builds an empathetic environment for participants to fully experience the inner dimension of Spirit and help connect the group with their inner spiritual nature that directs, empowers and provides new energy and meaning activity. Spirituality has to do with making sense of our world, and knowing how creatively live within it. Group dialogue creates the space and the foundations for spirituality through its attitude to openness, skills of listening ability to connect with life through others and mostly importantly enabling the unknown to find form.

An aware participatory leader who is skilled in the Art of Dialogue creates an environment for the forming or reforming of the deeper part of the Self. The concept of formation is one of change or flux that is constant with any organism. This change is not a random meaningless event but is connected to the ongoing formation of the world around it. Dialogue provides a container for creative formative thinking that enables people to transcend the limits of their bodily senses and cognitive processes of rational thought and memory.

 

The Art of Dialogue

The Art of Dialogue is a response to a world that is becoming increasingly complex and fragmented, where true solutions and innovation lie not in one leader or one viewpoint, but in the bigger picture of our collective intelligence.

One of the essential skills for growing as a leader and dialogue host is being aware of what is happening around you and not losing yourself in the emotions of any given moment. Throughout the day we need to constantly ask ourselves how do we know what we know? This question is at the core of our worldview and needs to be examined deeply.

Our world views influences our communication, decision-making and workplace cultures – most of this happening unconsciously. They are the lens through which we experience and see the world through. All the decisions and actions you make are directly a result of our world views, which have been informed by your culture, education, parents. Media, spirituality, and environment you live in and friends. You can spend a lifetime examining how each of our world views have been informed.

Each one of us views the world through a different lens, which informs the actions we take and the thinking we bring to situations. Our thinking for the most part remains unvalidated throughout our lives. For this reason an extraordinary leader understands that they will only ever have partial answers for any problem and as such need the subtle skills in hosting dialogues to embrace all views which help make up the whole.

The most important conversation any leader must be aware of when hosting conversations that matter is the conversation one has with ourselves. When we are aware that our views of the world are seen through a coloured or filtered lens formed around our experiences  we are naturally more likely to be empathetic leaders who know the importance of hearing all voices to co-create creative solutions.

In the next blog we will examine six philosophical domains that shape our world views.

The importance of mindful conversations

The knowledge of early philosophers ranged far and wide, covering fields from biology to ethics, from politics to physics. With increasing production of knowledge, facilitated by the web, technology and a greater educated class and increasing cultural exchanges, it became harder to know everything under the sun. Over time it became clear that individuals could not keep abreast of all knowledge and we gradually learnt to specialize in one or more areas. With our specialization our thinking has become more fragmented and our ability to think wholly has been made more difficult.

At work we are more likely to be specialists in our field making it harder and harder to link different fragments of knowledge that lies scattered across sub disciplines within any organisation. Simplistic tools may be honoured as a way of addressing these problems, but often at the expense of complexity that require context and connection. It is much easier to attempt to incorporate procedures or tools rather than exploring the real complexities of these issue in a transdisciplinarian way.

A skilfully hosted group Dialogue or Council is one powerful transdiscilpinary approach of dealing with complexity within organisations, recognising the lived experience and subjectivity of each person in context, in a network of relationships, in an ecology. A Transdiscilpinary approach is meta-paradigmatic- opening many perspectives at once. This enables us to understand not only the content of various approaches to issues, but their underlying assumptions or paradigms, and how those paradigms shape the inquiry. A trans disciplinary approach offers opportunities to questions ones own assumptions. It is in the exchange with different perspectives that our own perspectives become most clearly elucidated and articulated.

Renowned Systems thinker, Social scientist and anthropologist Gregory Bateson believed great creativity emerges out of this interaction of multiple perspectives. The creative process has been defined as seeing “a single idea in two habitually incompatible frames of reference”. The existence of a multiplicity of perspectives, at times mutually opposed, can therefore be transformed into an opportunity for creativity, if we accept the possibility of multiple ways of knowing, that there is more than one perspective that has something to offer and no one perspective has the monopoly, and recognise the possibility that the perspectives can co-exist and also be brought together to develop creative integrations.

Skilfully hosted Dialogue encourages groups and individuals to effectively participate in the unfolding of meaning – a creative interaction that allows new insights and unexpected ideas to emerge from the encounter. Quantum physicist David Bohm believed that through persistent dialogue a radically new state of mind could emerge, “a concrete alteration that penetrates the core of a person’s experience and has the potential to communicate itself directly”

In Dialogue there is a shedding of agendas that allows for a co-creative flowing interaction, in which it is possible for something new to emerge. Dialogue can be described as a practice that awakens the desire for, and provides the means to, expand consciousness of each other and access untapped wisdom beyond our own worldview or paradigms. The mere presence of the other in Dialogue helps us to break up our own bias and narrowness and offers deep self-understanding. Openness is naturally initiated, bringing our prejudgments to the surface. The process often highlights the limitation of one’s own framework of thinking which then allows one to go beyond one’s own previous possibilities.

Cultivating new ways of being

Cultivating new ways of being through “living thinking”.

New Renowned Indian philosopher and educator Krishnamurti argued that our ways of thinking and learning currently places barriers between ourselves and the object we are dealing with. He wrote that “by being aware, one discovers how one is conditioned- “don’t sit on the bank and speculate about the river; jump in and follow the current of this awareness, and you will find out for yourself how extraordinarily limited our thoughts, our feelings, and our ideas are. Accordingly, he argued that for ‘true transformation’,

“There must be a constant awareness…an awareness in which there is no choice, no condemnation or comparison, that is, there must be the capacity to see things as they are without distorting or translating them. The moment we judge or translate what is seen, we distort it according to our background. It is this very discovery of ourselves as we are, without any sense of condemnation or justification, that brings about a fundamental transformation in what we are -and that is the beginning of wisdom”.

When we become increasingly aware of our own assumptions and perspectives, we notice that they only illuminate certain aspects of other phenomena in the world around us. Scientist, researcher and author Craig Holdrege of the Nature Institute believes that by increasing our awareness of our own assumptions and perspectives we participate more consciously and carefully in the way we interact with the world. Importantly Holdrege states that the physical world of our lived experience informs our knowing more and more as we transform ourselves.

Author, poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau believed that we need to learn with new eyes and ground our knowledge in the world of the lived experience of things rather than in ideas, concepts and theories (abstract thinking). Thoreau wrote, “it is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know…If you would make acquaintance with the ferns you must forget your botany…. Your greatest success will be simply to perceive things as they are… I must walk more with free senses – I must let my senses wander as my thoughts – my eyes see without looking…. Be not preoccupied with looking. Go not to the object let it come to you…. What I need is not to look at all – but a true sauntering of the eye.”

In order to experience the flow of life and its specific qualities in all living and non-living things, we need fluid dynamic (process orientated) thinking. I have come to realize how nature can teach us about a living, dynamic way of thinking. If I am willing to pay attention I can learn from nature how to think in a living way without casting my own filters onto the world. My trips into the wild offer a chance to practice deep observation using the growth and development of plants as an especially vivid and rich model to learn the idea of living thinking.

Holdrege reminds us that a growing plant sends roots spreading intimately through the soil, taking in and exchanging with the earth. These are qualities we, too, possess when, as sensory beings, we explore and meet the world with fresh eyes. Always growing, always probing, meeting things anew, we become rooted in the experiential world.

As a flowering plant grows, it unfolds leaf after leaf. When the plant grows up toward flowering, the lower leaves die away. So a plant lives by unfolding something very important at that moment, then moves on to make new structures while past forms fall away. This is a great metaphor on how we can work with our own concepts: instead of falling in love with a particular idea and holding on to it at all costs (object-thinking) – we could learn to form a concept, use it, and then let it die away as our experience evolves. Our deeply felt sense of our own boundaries and ignorance allows us to keep knowledge alive, open, and growing. The wilderness provides great lessons in what it means to be undogmatic, dynamic and adaptable.

If we were to think plantlike, our concepts would stay closely connected to the context they arose from, and if that context changed, we would metamorphose our ideas to stay within the fast flowing river of life. By practicing this we can experience ourselves as active receptive participants in an ongoing, evolving conversation with everything around us. We are no longer distant onlookers gazing coolly at a world of objectified things. While gaining this re-connection and rootedness in the world is exhilarating but not always going to be easy.

The moment we become aware of the participatory, interactive nature of knowing, everything changes. We become directly aware of the implications on all our actions and thoughts. A living thinking is a thinking that knows itself as firmly embedded in the world. It is also a thinking that knows it does not have all the answers,

Holdrege writes that the seeds of this transformation are created every time we catch ourselves considering a problem in our lives through some pre-formed conceptual lens and then drop that lens and turn back, in openness, to the things themselves. With heightened awareness we can begin forming concepts out of interaction with the world rather than imposing them upon the world. This is living thinking.

Often I find myself at the beginning of a multi day walk, full of purpose and high expectation. It’s hard to escape the craving for results from everything we do. It usually takes two full days of wilderness immersion before I drop my expectations and fall into nature’s rhythms. This strong sense of purpose can prevent us from seeing the unexpected. So, by going out purposefully with a broad focus of open expectation, I can overcome limitations and invite the world in.

An exercise to practice openness in our daily living is to pause during the evening and think back over the day. “What did I experience today that I wasn’t expecting?” When I bring awareness to this we realize how much of what I experienced was actually expected. To really appreciate those few moments when something new and unexpected appears, and then to vividly re-picture those experiences to myself can help cultivate sensitivity to the unexpected. When I practice creating this field of openness. I can begin to experience another person, a landscape, or a social problem as a living thing with openness and fresh eyes.

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